When I was 4 or 5 years old, my dad trusted Christ.  He was the town drunk in Freer, Texas before God changed his life.  My mother was saved during the same time, so we all began to attend church.  One service the pastor was preaching on hell, and I knew I didn’t want to go, so I walked down the aisle and shook the preachers hand and was baptized. 

            All through my school years, I would tell everyone that I was saved when I was 6 years old.  I had no idea what I was talking about.  It was just something I heard other Christians say, so I just repeated it.

            Eleven days after graduating from high school, I left for the Marine Corps.  Oh, my!  What an eye opener.  I marched to church with everyone else during basic training, but really had no interest in it. 

            After 13 weeks of basic training, I was stationed at Parris Island, SC, where I had trained.  I didn’t even think about going to church on Sunday.  I lived a pretty good life, so I felt I was fine.  If anyone was to ask me if I was a Christian, I would say “Yes!”  After all, I had walked the aisle and shook the preacher’s hand and was baptized and lived a good life.

            I met Paul, my husband, not too long after I started my career in the MC.  He was chosen to be our driver for Recruit Classification where I was a secretary.  The first time I saw him he was leaning against a wall at our club drunk as a skunk!  I do believe I fell in love with him right there.  Even though I hated drinking and drunks, my heart went out to him. 

            Paul was raised Catholic, so we didn’t exactly see eye to eye, even though neither of us cared a thing about church or spoke of the Lord.  After dating less than two months, we were married on April 28, 1966 at Port Royal Baptist Church in Beaufort, SC.   I told Paul I was not going to raise my children Catholic, and he said we wouldn’t raise his children Baptist.  So, we compromised!  Neither of us went to church. 

            After we both got out of the MC, we headed to Sanford, Maine, where Paul’s parents lived.  It was a rough four years.  Paul worked for the Prudential Insurance Company but kept up his drinking.  Now, when he drank, he wasn’t a funny drunk.  He was a mean, vile, abusive drunk.  His parents were a refuge for me, even though they were not Christians. 

            Our two oldest, Gretchen and Paul Edward were born in Maine, yet that did not turn my heart to the Lord for help or guidance.  During all of the difficult times, I never thought about the Lord or called on Him in my time of need.  I just wanted a better husband, a better life, and a better daddy to our children. 

            Paul would ask me, when he was grieved over his actions, “Are you saved?”  I would answer, “Of course.”  Then he would ask me how to be saved and I would tell him I didn’t know.  But, I knew he needed to be, because he was like my dad, and my dad got saved and changed.  Paul says that that is just like a Baptist.  They tell you what you need but can’t tell you how to get it!

            Because of the life Paul led in Maine, we had to move to Texas.  So, he transferred with the Prudential. I was so excited, because that was where my family lived.  I was going home!

            We would visit my mom and dad’s church when we went to Corpus Christi, but we did it just to please them.  Well, one service, God got hold of Paul’s heart and he was under deep conviction of his need for a Savior.  He knew he needed to be changed.  I didn’t feel like I needed anything, because I was great just the way I was.  My life was nothing like Paul’s!  His sin was obvious!  My sin was hidden.

            Paul was saved in Victoria, Texas in 1971.  His life changed so much that it irritated me.  I wanted a better husband and father…not a fanatic! 

            As Paul began to fall in love with Jesus, and we began to be in every service and every revival meeting in our area, I began to see that I was missing something.  I didn’t want to admit I was lost!  After all, I loved God’s people.  I loved going to church.  I prayed!  I read God’s Word!  I did so many things right, so I must be OK!

            I was under conviction in a service in Victoria, but even though I prayed a prayer, I knew nothing had changed in me.  However, I told everyone that I’d gotten saved! 

      Paul started traveling with an evangelist and was gone a lot.  One time when he was leaving I was very angry.  We had three children, no money, no friends and I was being left alone.  When he left, I sat down and opened God’s Word to Roman 10:1. Brethren, my heart’s desire and pray for Billie (I saw my name) is that she might be saved. For I bear her witness that she has a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge.  For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish her own, she did not submit to God's righteousness.  For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.

   As I began to read I couldn’t stop weeping.  I was under such deep conviction.  Paul called to apologize, so I told him my condition.  He said we would pray and ask God to do a real work in me. I knew all the scriptures, yet I was so lost. 

            I began to reason as to why I couldn’t be lost.  I loved going to church; I had a Christian singing group; I taught Sunday school; I loved God’s people.

            After being under conviction for three months, and trying to get saved, yet not believing I needed to be changed, my friend and I drove to Lazbuddie, Texas, where Paul and his friend were in a meeting. 

      When Manley (the evangelist) finished his Sunday message, he walked up to me and asked how I was doing.  He knew the battle I was in…I told him I must be saved, because I loved God’s people, etc.  He turned and walked away while I was talking.  I got so mad!  When we went to our friend’s house after services, Paul asked me the same thing.  I told him the same thing I told Manley.  Paul quoted John 5:39-40, “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me,  yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life. “  I got so mad at him, that I didn’t speak to him the rest of the day.

               Sunday night as I walked into First Baptist Church, I felt like I had a thousand pounds sitting on me.  I didn’t want my friend to even look at me.  That was the very first time I had ever seen myself a sinner in need of a Savior.  I wanted to stand up and tell Manley to shut up!  I needed for God to do something for me. 

               I flew to the altar after the services, but Paul didn’t really know how to deal with me.  He was a new Christian himself.  So, I went to the nursery and Manley came back and sat in a big rocker and asked me what he could do to help.  I told him I had been trying to be saved, but I just couldn’t!  He prayed with me, but I knew nothing had changed.  He said, “I believe I know the problem.”  He asked me to take his hand, and he simply prayed, “Father, in the name of Jesus, I bind satan from blinding her.”  As soon as he said those words, God miraculously opened my heart and gave me the faith to trust Him.  I stopped trying and started trusting.  I told Paul it was like I saw a field of grain just part, and I looked into the heavens and was compelled to trust Jesus.  It was pulled out of my inner most being.  I couldn’t have done anything else but trust Him.  I just began to shout, “I do!”  “I do!”  “I do, trust Him!” 

               This was in December of 1974.  I have never doubted what God did for me in that little nursery that night.  A miracle took place.  A blinded, religious young woman was saved by grace through faith.  Halleujah!  “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name.  On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”